jedtheguy:

cerviceps:

Space core: 

“Turn right and GO TO SPACE”

“Your destination is SPACE”

“Hey lady, hey lady, hey lady hey lady hey lady. Let’s go on the highlighted route TO SPACE”

Rick:

“Hiya, pretty lady. I think it’s about time for you to turn left.”

“If any aggressive drivers bother you, gorgeous, I’ve got your back. I’m a black belt.”

“So, uh… you out havin’ yourself a little adventure? Yeah? Where to?”

“…You want me to take over, beautiful? Because I can take over. You can have yourself a little lady rest if you’d like, and I’ll drive. No? Alrighty then, suit yourself!”

Fact Core:

“The odds of you dying in a car crash in the next five minutes are 1 in 5000. The odds of you dying violently in a car crash in the next five minutes are 1 in 5000.”

“The fact spere will always give you correct directions, even when the directions seem to be incorrect. The fact sphere is always right.”

“Contrary to popular belief, cars were first invented by aliens, who gave the model and directions to Ferdinand Verbies in 1612. The first car was also powered by alien sorcery.”

“The route you are taking is the worst route. The fact sphere knows all the best routes, and therefore you should listen to him. He is also the most handsome sphere.”

Wheatley: 

“Umm… yes. I think that is the right direction. Almost positive.”

“…Yep, nintey-nine percent positive that this is the right direction. Could be wrong, but… very slim chance. That I’m wrong.”

“Hmmm. Right, then. Let’s continue to the highlighted route, and then… we’ll work from there.”

“Let’s see here… Um, there’s a left turn ahead. And then another left turn. This is tremendous, isn’t it?”

GLaDOS:

“You really shouldn’t be driving to work. You could actually burn off all those extra pounds if you’d just walk.”

“You’re not a good person. You know that, right? Good people would listen to my advice when I tell them to follow the highlighted route.”

“Have I lied to you? I mean, in this car? Well, just… turn left.”

“You are kidding me. Did you just take an incorrect turn? Now I have to recalculate and find a completely new route for you to take. Ridiculous.”

I have never wanted a car more than this moment.