venom thinks dairy is hilarious. you take an animal with titties and you extract fluid from the titties and you wait until the fluid gets hard and then you put it in a sandwich. what the fuck. who does that. humans are totally fine with eating live organisms by the way when the organisms are too small to see and the entire appeal of the organisms being there is it makes the titty fluid viscous and sour. turns out you can make food out of the same animal for years at a stretch and the animal doesnt even notice as long as its gt big titties. EGGS you can eat the waste product of the unseeable organisms and its fine but try eating the waste of a seeable organism and eddie goes ballistic on you. except for the big weird balls of waste that come out of birds, eddie is fine with eating those, but only if you make them really hot first, nothing makes any fuckibg sense. eddie squashes a bug and venom goes to eat it and eddie says “no thats gross” and venom is like ITS FOOD. ITS A TINY LOBSTER AND YOU JUST EXECUTED IT SO ? and eddie says “yeah but we, humans, we dont eat bugs” and venom says THATS THE DUMBEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD NO WONDER YOU MORONS THINK OIL IS A GOOD ENERGY SOURCE
Imagine Eddie’s face when Venom finds out that, in fact, several other human cultures outside America eat bugs every day like it’s no big deal. One night Venom is surfing the web on Eddie’s phone to pass time while their love sleeps. They stumble upon an informational article about how many people in Thailand love snacking on grasshoppers, crickets, ant eggs, and woodworms. Their eyes light up with validation as they read that the bugs are seasoned and fried in a wok until crispy, then served to passers-by at local food markets.
Eddie is excitedly woken up at 3 AM by Venom who has some Very Important Information to share with is love. Eddie quints at the bright screen being shaken in his face and just rolls over grumbling something about waiting until morning.
the surreality of waking up at 3 in the morning because somebody is inside of your head screaming HUMANS DO EAT BUGS. YOU ARE JUST A LITTLE BITCH and your eyes open and you can only see the light of God and eventually that light resolves into a street food instagram video and you Know the food is bugs. it has been at least a month since the “we dont eat bugs” conversation and you thought it was over but Now It’s Not
when you share a body with a carnivorous thing thats just constantly going “eddie can we eat that pigeon eddie we should ride on top of the train eddie i want this thirty dollar chocolate sundae” the bar for Intrusive Thoughts That It’s Acceptable To Follow Through On gets real low man sometimes eddie sees that goop and his lizard brain is like Eat Big Taffy Now so he just fucking j,ust bites out a mouthful of symbiote and no matter how many times he does it venom is always like “what the FUCK”
Jab loves robots 