1. This movie is hilarious. I’m glad I didn’t see any of the trailers before watching it, because they’re both objectively terrible, and terribly inaccurate about the movie’s tone. The studio was clearly trying to market it as some kind of cynical grimdark thriller (and in the process just made it look overwrought and boring). But regardless of the movie they set out to make, the movie they have is a gleefully over-the-top action-comedy sprinkled with kinky undertones that the movie leans into a lot harder than you might expect from a PG-13 four-quadrant franchise installment.
Nothing about this movie is subtle, and that’s part of what makes it enjoyable. Tom Hardy does a full-on physical comedy routine interacting with a blob of CGI goo with teeth, and somehow makes it work. The symbiote itself is a constantly hungry insult comic with tentacles, and you get the sense that at least most of the people involved in this project (if not the studio marketing department) understand that this is supposed to be funny and weird and are just going for it. Scene that ends with Eddie climbing into a lobster tank? Went for it. Monster kiss? Went for it. Venom’s very serious and not at all suggestive tongue:
Venom: The time has come for me to return to my homeland. I must come to terms with the fact that I am no longer required here. I have lead a good life on earth, but alas, my shattered heart belongs elsewhere. Somewhere where my presence is valued, where I’m not treated like vermin, where I’m actually respected for the fearsome creature I-
Okay so like there are vampires but one of the side effects of becoming a vampire is that you can’t explicitly tell people you’re a vampire.
Like, if they already know you’re a vampire, that’s cool and you can talk about it with them whenever. And if they don’t know but are straight up like “hey are you a vampire?” you can be like “yes I am” and then you can talk to them about being a vampire because they already know now.
But the point is you can’t tell people.
So you’ve got this vampire who really wants to tell their friends and they’re dropping all these hints and being as obvious as they possibly can be but their friends just think they over-exaggerate everything.
“Hey, when did you learn to lock pick?” “Sometime around the middle ages, I think.” “Okay, fine, I won’t pry then.”
“Cool shirt! When did you get it?” “Oh, about fifty years ago or so.” “Dude you weren’t even alive. It’s a hand-me-down, then?”
“Hey check out this cool Renaissance painting.” *points to a person lying dramatically on the ground* “That’s me.” “Haha, that totally would be you. I’m the one getting his head chopped off.” “No, you don’t get it that’s actually me.” “God, I know. You’re so dramatic.”
“How long has it been since you’ve been to Europe?” “A couple centuries at least.”
“What’s this red drink in your fridge?” “Blood.” “Is it that new diet drink?” “No, it’s blood.” “No, seriously. I’m thinking about trying this diet. Does it work?” *sighs* “No.”
“How come you don’t have any mirrors in your house?” “I don’t have a reflection.” “Cool. It’s really admirable that you’re not letting society’s expectations dictate your life.”
“Hey, it’s really sunny out today. Wanna go for a walk?” “No. I will literally burn up and die.” “Fine, stay inside and watch Netflix. That’s cool too.”
“I heard these coffin beds are really supposed to help you sleep. I’ve never seen one this cool though. Where’d you get it?” “I was buried in it.” “Fine. Don’t tell me.”
“Dude, why are you always so cold?” “I’m dead.” “No, really. I think you might be anemic. Are you getting enough iron?”
Peter Parker, a Gen Z kid, screws up: Fuck, guess I’ll kill myself.
Steve Rogers, an artist during the 30’s and a soldier during WWII who knows full well what Dadaism and fatalistic humor are: There’s bleach under the sink–
Bucky Barnes, the guy who listened to Steve’s art rants in the 30’s, watched his back in WWII and went through 70+ years of shit: –And a rope in the supply closet if you want options.
Since I defs didn’t want to carve a real pumpkin to put on my head and get nasts pumpkin insides all over my hair I decided to paper mache one. Unfortunately there was no good tutorials anywhere so I will share my trial and error knowledge.
First I got some supplies: 1 Punch balloon (they’re rounder and larger they regular balloons), some paper mache stuff in a bag, cardboard, a glue gun, paint, sculpey clay, tape, some news paper and some water and flour mixed together.
I then put at least three – five paper mache layers of newspaper with flour water on the balloon. I also measured my head and left an opening at the bottom. (NOTE: Don’t put tape on the balloon and try to peel it off after you’re done paper macheing, RIP)
After that’s all dry I put glue gunned some cardboard onto it to give it some pumpkin like ridges.
Then I filled the gaps between the cardboard and the newspaper with the paper mache in a bag stuff. Wait for it to dry. (Note: Don’t pop balloon until the paper mache in a bag stuff is dry cause it holds a LOT of water and your paper mache project will sink, RIP) After that I popped the balloon and lightly dampened the top with a sponge and water until it was wet enough to slowly press down into more of a pumpkin shape.
After it’s all dry I taped a stem I made out of card board on the top and put another layer or two of newspaper mache over top.
More drying wait time (you can use your oven on the lowest setting to make it dry faster) then I sanded it down and cut out a face with an exacto blade.
I added a little bit of backing behind the face on the inside with the paper mache in a bag to give it more of a 3D look which wasn’t that noticeable but oh well, it kidna worked… After all that stuffs done I painted it all white otherwise the newsprint would bleed through and make my colours not as bright, I also added some sculpey clay to the brow area to give it some more emotion in which I used an iron to dry it with cause it was too late to put it in the oven with paint all over it (Note: Put clay on before painting).
I sprayed it with a sealer before painting colours on it cause I find acrylics do weird things sometimes. After it was all dry I begin to paint.
I also painted the inside a red and added a kinda head rest thing on the inside since when I pushed the top down it made an uncomfortable point at the top when putting it on your head. Then once it was all dry I sprayed it with some more sealer, added some cool stuff like stitches with some ribbon and blood which I used nail polish for a shiny effect and put in some lights which weren’t very effective when my head was in the pumpkin but that’s okay, it still looked cool.
And that’s that!
Hope this helps some people, Enjoy!
I read the title as ‘How to Make Pumpkin Bread’, and was confused the whole way down wondering when this would get to the bread part
Jab loves robots 