i just cant get over the lobster scene. like his friends are actively begging him, do not get into the lobster tank. please eddie. tom hardy you were in mad max fury road dont do this. and tom hardy looks at his friend like “i know i shouldnt do this. i shouldnt be getting into this lobster tank but i’m going to anyway. i’m already mostly inside. cant stop now. i’m sorry i dont want to be doing this either there’s just no other choice for me.” and then he takes a bg bite out of a live lobster that’s still in the shell and everything.
tom hardy doesn’t actually know he’s being possessed by an alien yet in the story. he’s just resigned himself to whatever fucking meltdown he seems to be having. he doesn’t even seem particularly surprised that things have gone this way for him. like ten minutes later he finds out his heart stopped working and hes just like “you asshole” and he throws his alien parasite against the wall like a water balloon. and then he just leaves and is immediately kidnapped. what a fucking wild ride tom hardy is on.
tom hardy’s actual superpower is being the exact same level of dysfunctional no matter what is happening in his life. so when everything’s going ok for him he self-destructs spectacularly, but when literally everything that can happen to a human being happens to him, he does, like, unrealistically well. climbing into a lobster tank and eating a live animal with large claws just like… “well, this is what’s happening to me today. i’m so sorry you have to watch this, man. anyway here goes, i’m going to bite into a living creature with my human mouth and then LOSE CONSCIOUSNESS”
this movie’s fucking killing me from the inside.
IT WASNT EVEN IN THE SCRIPT TOM HARDY IS JUST A FUCKING GENUINE MADMAN
(R:) *cackles* OMG THIS IS AWESOME. And makes me think that no one ever figured out that the secret of Megatron’s unbelievable prowess in combat was several cups of French-pressed white coffee every morning or, if he expected to fight Optimus, nitro-brewed green.
”Must be the outlier spark,” worshipful followers whispered.
”Certainly green something,” Megatron chuckled, shooting down a cup of mysterious fluid.
”How does he do it??” Overlord sobbed, hiding in a corner as he salted his third cup of instant with furious tears. “I will discover his secret! And on that day, I WILL DESTROY HIM.”
”Good luck with that,” Megatron said, smelling faintly of peanut butter and gun oil as he wrinkled his nose at Overlord’s drink of choice.
Tarn, neatly sipping his third double espresso, grimacing as Deathsaurus chugs 3 Dr Peppers in succession, slamming down the empty cans and pronouncing himself ready to “go fuck up some Autobots’ shit”
venom is just ideal…. loving boyfriend…. eat bad guys….. gives you a fast metabolism….. can’t die as long as eat chocolate and potatoes….. constant attention….. just as much of a loser as you….. big tongue….. sexy teeth….. flexy slime….. god there is no downside to him honestly. eddie’s a lucky damn man
Jab loves robots 