• unemployed
• anxiety
• big issues w big pharma
• alien fucker
• everyone is constantly pleading w him to get some sleep
• doctors r begging him to go to a hospital
• alien possesses him & ends up actually improving his quality of life
• nothing in freezer but chicken nuggets
• knows security guard is just doing his job, understandable, have a nice day
• talks 2 self in inappropriate situations
I don’t trust Tom Hardy because he seems like the kind of dog lover who despises cats. Who acts like the entire species slighted him personally and are the cause of global warming.
Meanwhile, Chris Evans and Chris Pine seem like the kind of dog lovers who prefer dogs but still like cats and understand that they just express affection differently.
NOTORIOUS rescuer of helpless Romanian street kitten Tom Hardy, who illicitly hid the cat in his hotel room and made sure his new friend got adopted by nice local people before he left the country and posted blogs about how much he loved him??? NAY, I say unto thee. NAY INDEED.
“On the way back from the internet cafe yesterday, there’s this kitten in the road, and I’m like. hey kat whssup? then I had to double take. that’s a small cat as cats go. it’s prolly like a couple months old max. so I’m like hey little fella, and I look about but no one is looking for this thing. so I stopped and turned round and said hey kat where’s your family, and he’s like I don’t know. then he wanders up to me and bang he’s in my scoop and I’m looking around I ask a few old ladies this your cat, a man this your… nothing, infact the languague barrier lifts with one old lady who speaks no english but I can tell she wishes me well infact every girl in town now notices I have a kitten and even though I have a skinhead and baggy pants on, the uniform of the criminal, I am now such a sweet boy with his kitten. I’m like no, you don’t understand this is not my kitten, this is God’s child I found in the street prolly belongs to some kid who is crying right now … I got to find him a home is there like an RSPCA here or something? the girls at reception fall in love with him. he’s all fluffy coz I put him in a bath, I told them they’re like we can see, really this kat sparkles now. but he doesn’t want to hang out with them he wants to sit on my shoulder and stare and watch MTV in the room… . tomorrow he’s coming to work and we’re going to try and get him
rehoused. he is such a dude, and he is very funny and likes to talk a
lot cuddle and sleep, plus he follows me everywhere talking romanian,
I’m like I live in london dude I have no idea what you’re on about”
(or ”in this essay I will” joke gone very very wrong)
So, as most of us already noticed, Venom (2018) sure feels like a romantic comedy disguised as a superhero (well, antihero technically) movie. But is it truly? The short answer is yes, but I didn’t just spend my afternoon hunting proof to leave you with a short answer.
Now, I must note that Venom is really not the first superhero movie to mix another genre in. Off the top of my head, and perhaps most obvious, Ant-Man is mixing superheroics with a heist movie. Black Panther has the political thriller going. Thor: Ragnarok is a full blown cocktail, adding at least three more genres to the original one. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that someone thought to mix in romcoms, and I for one am grateful that our first example of it has alien slime falling in love with a guy.
Because that’s what happened, despite certain people bending over backwards just to not acknowledge it. But I promised you proof, so let’s get to it.
How do you determine if something is a romantic comedy or not? “That’s just the vibe I got” is really not going to cut it in a debate. But what is a vibe if not our subconsciousness recognizing a certain pattern? In this case, the pattern was the plot structure. Not being a huge fan of romcoms in general, though, I wasn’t sure how to put it into words. Thankfully, I didn’t need to: with a bit of googling, I found out that most articles have referred to the same source when it came to the romcom plot structure: a book “Writing the Romantic Comedy” by Billy Mernit. According to him, all romantic comedies can be broken down into seven story beats. How many of those would you guess does Venom follow? Hint: it’s all of them.
Yooooooooo, this is some really excellent meta. I was thinking “man I need to look up some rom-com story structure templates because Venomdefinitely fits,” but rom-com isn’t my genre as a writer at all so I didn’t have that info at my fingertips. But you fuckin nailed it, @verycharismaticdragon! And you pinpointed exactly why something about the hospital scene felt a bit…off…to me the first time through, because it’s not the reaction we’d expect Eddie to be having to those particular circumstances at that point in the story…except within a rom-com framework it totally is.
The relationship beats don’t fall exactly where they would in a traditional rom-com because the movie is a little front-heavy; there’s a lot of setup and the key relationship storyline doesn’t start until the beginning of the second act. The “I am Venom and you are mine” scene, which would happen at the end of the first act of a traditional rom-com, happens at the midpoint of this movie (I checked the timing when I was watching it the second time through). So the structure is a bit squashed, but all the beats are definitely there.
male singers who refuse to sing katy perry’s “e.t.” as horny as she did are cowards
i dont even like katy perry but like she! went full on alien-fucking horny in that song. a male cover in that exact voice inflection would’ve been perfect for my venom playlist. but no. straight men are always horny, except when it comes to singing about aliens i guess. cowards.
Jab loves robots 